Mental illness is a scary ass thing that touches everyone. I’ve been home for the first time in 10 days and everything feels weird. I can’t go back to work until the 4th of December. I need this time to sit back and relax. I’ll be visiting family for a couple days in the meantime. I’m sorry this is short again, I’ve been tired. Just remember, mental illness is an invisible illness.
Where only the Crazy dare tread…
I write this from Norwood mental health institution in north Wood county Wisconsin. Everything came to a head Thursday and into Friday and I voluntarily admitted myself for my sake that that of those I love. I’m not myself right now but I’m getting better. I don’t know how long I will be here but I know I’m doing the right thing. Mental health is a serious issue that needs to be addressed but unfortunately isn’t. Stay strong.
~Sam
Goeth the Fall of One…
This will be relatively short.
I’m broken. I doubt I’ll ever be fixed, but I’m functional. I’m not doing the greatest right now, but I’ll manage. It’ll be a long , tough road. I don’t need to hear that I’ll be fine. I know I’ll be fine in time. What I need is people to hear me and give me their understanding of what I’m telling them. I’m tired. There’s things I want to do, but it’s all a matter of time, money or people. It happens. Things will get better eventually.
~Sam
The things we do for love…
My better half had a procedure done today to finish what they started months ago. I was on edge during the whole thing and still on edge now that she’s safely home. Why? Because of being on the road and dealing with traffic. A few years ago she and I were in a nasty car accident. Below are a few pictures of our car after the accident. 
Both taken to a hospital by ambulance. Since then, I’ve been on edge being in traffic. I’ve gone to counseling, prescribed meds, the whole 9 yards, but nothing seems to be helping. If anything it’s getting worse. If my better half’s procedure was at the local hospital, that would be one thing, but we had to drive an hour and a half each way for it. Being on the road for more than a short drive terrifies me to no end, but I can’t let it keep me from doing what I need to do. I’ll still go to work and run errands and whatnot, but long drives are a source of great fear for me.
I’m currently taking an anti anxiety medication to deal with the anxiety of driving but I forgot to bring it with me this morning to the procedure. I ended up taking a full dose when we got home and right now it’s just making me tired so I may try sleeping here soon if I can just get my mind to slow down. Anxiety plus mind fog is an interestingly frustrating experience. You can even try to sort out you’re thoughts with the fog blocking your view.
I think that’s enough ranting for now. Goodnight.
~Sam
Depression and anxiety and boredom, oh my…
So the last few days I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. I think it’s an early case of seasonal depression on top of the regular stuff. Of course I have no idea why the general depression is acting up as well. And in my anxiety and it’s my own private little hell. My mind feels both blank and over full at the same time, it’s really frustrating.
I’ve basically been doing things just to pass the time, not because I necessarily enjoy doing them. I feel bored but most everything I want to do requires more than one person, but it’s hard to organize people to do activities that I enjoy. So this is basically what I’ll be doing until my depression breaks; work, do chores and occupy myself to kill time.
Haven’t been updating lately because it’s been difficult to organize my thoughts properly. That’s not a good thing since I am considering looking into into journalism courses. No guarantees, but it’s a plan.
I think that’s all for now. I’ll post again when my mind focuses better.
~Sam
(I don’t remember when I found this image, but if anyone has a source, let me know and I’ll add it. )
Supportive…
Sometimes when the ones you love are sick or hurt, all you can do to help is just stand there and be supportive until they get better. It’s not from a lack of willingness to help, sometimes the sick or injured just don’t want help so you’re stuck on the sidelines giving long distant support and cheering them on. Nothing necessarily wrong with this, but it can make the supporter feel just as bad, if not worse, than the unwell person. Just hang in there. Everything’s ok in the end.
~Sam
The battle from within…
In the war of life the greatest battle that one can fight is the battle from within. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, some of the greatest enemies to the self one can do battle with. Even the strongest, bravest of people struggle with these illnesses. There are effective weapons against these enemies, but they can also cause damage to the civilians of the mind.
I’ve been fighting this battle for years. Depression and anxiety. I’ve been battling them both for a good long time. It’s been hell. I’ve had help, family, friends, counselors, medications. I’m tired of fighting. It’s exhausting. Day in and day out I struggle to keep it together. There are times I want to give up, surrender and let the enemy do what they may with me. I will not give up. Not now, not ever. My fiancée, my family, my friends, all are part of my support team. They are the artillery, air support and naval bombardment in the battle against the mind.
I’m part of the support team for my family and friends too, especially to Stephanie. She is fighting her own battles, and she needs support, and I’ll be damned if I let her down. There are times when you feel you’re losing the battle, but you’ll always have you’re support team. Win or lose, your support team will always be there to watch your back. Always trust your support team. Sometimes they’ve all you have.
Goodnight.
~Sam
Never forget…
16 years ago some very bad people hijacked airplanes and used them to cause death and terror to our nation. It was the greatest tragedy in recent American history. Let us never forget the lose of life and the brave Americans who sacrificed so much searching for survivors.
Sadly, American leaders aren’t forgetting to politicize this tragedy for the benefit of their party. All sides use this horrible event to gain supporters and to trash their rivals. And Americans are falling for it! Instead of bringing Americans closer, it’s pushing us apart further and further. The events of 9/11 are still unraveling to this day because of our refusal to cooperate with one another.
The immediate reaction after this event was Americans coming together to help one another. Then fingers started to get painted at one another based on beliefs. Ever since, the divide has been widening, soon it’ll be too wide to fix without violence. This nation was great for only a short time when we pulled together to help one another recover from this horrible event. Now we’re no longer great, we’re far from it…
~Sam
So long and thanks for all the fish…
Earth. It’s the only home we have. I’m not going to rant about being responsible and recycle, do your part, etc. The world as we know it is dying. I feel we’re too late to repair the damage we caused and will have to live with it. Sure, recycling and what not will let us enjoy the planet for a bit longer, but our days are numbered so I have hunk it’s time to devise an exit strategy.
The moon is close by, but without artificial gravity it would do us more harm than good to live there. Mars is probably the best bet to continue the human race, and could possibly be made livable in as little as a few hundred years. I said livable, not comfortable. It’ll take thousands of years to terraform mars to be like earth, but in as little as a couple centuries, we can possibly form an atmosphere around the planet using what we’re doing now. Polluting. We’ll need to thicken mars’ thin atmosphere by introducing greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, methane and other gases. The company concentration would have to be higher than what Earth has currently, but it’s possible.
Some believe that the core of mars is no longer spinning. If that’s the case, it’ll need a jump start. It is possible, and isn’t much different than jump starting a car, but on a much, much bigger scale. This will be the crucial issue to permanently colonizing mars. Without a spinning core, there will be no magnetic field. No magnetic field means something lane flares and other nasty events will cause major issues with settlements. It’s all possible. The short term will be relatively easy, but building up to an earth like planet will be very difficult and expensive in the long run. And with how little people get along with each other, I don’t see it happening for a long time. It would be a miracle if mankind dies set up permanent colonies on another planet, but this is one I wouldn’t get my hopes up for.
The idea of living on another planet is exciting, but it’s not for me. Earth is my home. It’s where I was born, its where I live, and it will be where I die and be buried. It’s not about fear. It’s about knowing where you belong. It’s my home and it’s where I belong. For now and always, I will be an earthling, never a Martian. I would love to see the day where mankind puts down their differences and work together to strive for the Benefit of the race as a whole, not the individual.
~Sam
Come on in Harvey and Irma! No way Jose…
My heart goes out to those affected by hurricanes Harvey and Irma. I can only imagine how rough it it to be going through that mess on a near yearly basis. The worst we get here are blizzards, which is easily survivable if you have heat. I pray that hurricane Jose veers away from land and dies off in the Atlantic, but I’m not getting my hopes up. No doubt though that Jose will cause all sorts of political bullshit, regardless what it does, but that’s a rant for another time.
Be safe, be strong. Be a bigger bag of wind than a hurricane. :p
~Sam
criticalmeh 